hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
