I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
