What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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