happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
