the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you never un-have a 4some
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
