Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
