I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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