I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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