I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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