ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
