yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
