loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
