just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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