Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
