oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize