he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
