so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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