did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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