in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
