So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
