You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
