who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
