I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
