My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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