Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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