My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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