if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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