What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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