I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
