Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
