Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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