It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
