Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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