we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
