her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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