If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
