true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
