I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you never un-have a 4some
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
