$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
