It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
