he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
