You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
