I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
