it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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