I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I supernannyed him into submission
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
