if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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