My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
