True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize