omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
