Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
