so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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