I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
