so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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