Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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