I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
