meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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