I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
