I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i love accidental penises.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
