Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
In America we eat man semen.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
