so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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