"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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