i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize