The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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