somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
