I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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