mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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