we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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