I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
