Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize