He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
